i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
