you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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