i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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