i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
