yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
