I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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