we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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