we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
