she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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