My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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