i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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