Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
