i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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