I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
