Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
