I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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