I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
