my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
