I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
