He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
it was like eating out sand paper
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
