Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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