If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
