I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
