when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
