I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
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I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
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Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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