His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
