There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
