I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I cut my penus on the lid.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
