okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
