Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
