My nipple is on Facebook.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
