I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
