My first STD was from a foam party
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
