He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I cannot find my penis.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
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