I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
