so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
