A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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