The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
