I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
