you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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