Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm jealous of your bromance
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
