today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
