i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
only you would photoshop your dick
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
