the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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