singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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