Pappa wants mamma naked
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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