i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
