1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
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It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize