You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We just shotgunned beers for America
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Randomize
