Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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