why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
