bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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