Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
