the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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