Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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