I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
