I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
