It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
