That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
