We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
