Jerry, you need to find god
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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