Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
